so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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