What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize