your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
