Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize