oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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