My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
