i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
