evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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