Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
