I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
