I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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