Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
