I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
