I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
