Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You can't special order awesome
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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