Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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