He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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