apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
