I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm too high and old for this...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
