you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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