Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Pooping to opera.
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