dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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