If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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