One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
