So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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