I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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