Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
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I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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