I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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