I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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