Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just cropdusted the office
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
