I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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