dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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