Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
