You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
