we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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