pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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