Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
