Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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