My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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