I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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