Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize