I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
