I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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