i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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