Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
