he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
