I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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