call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
