Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
