Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
