she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
