i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
