so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
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I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize