The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
