He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
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walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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