I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
