the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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