I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
