I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
