Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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