Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize