she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
