Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
