If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize