and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
