2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize