tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
