I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
