"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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