Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize